My Twin Pregnancy Journey
I have to admit, when I found out I was having twins, I was pretty sad for a few weeks. I had looked forward to a different kind of birth than I had with Gabe. I wanted a midwife instead of an OB, and I was looking forward to the hospital staff actually listening to me and what I wanted since I had done this successfully before. I learned quickly in my OB rotation that first-time moms are never really believed, while experienced moms are. I was looking forward to not being asked a million times if I wanted an epidural, after telling them no a million times. This was part of the reason for wanting a midwife. Plus, it would have been nice to see the person who was delivering my baby for longer than 5 min.
Then I found out I was having twins and my vision of an ideal birth went out the window. I knew I was looking at 50/50 odds of having a c-section and would probably be forced to have an epidural in case they needed to do a c-section quickly. I also knew the respect I was hoping for as a seasoned mom was probably going to go out the window since I'd never had twins before. I was bummed. Of course I wanted what was best for my babies, and I've never been against any form of birth that results in a healthy mom and baby. I know c-sections are necessary and a wonderful, life-saving thing for many people. I just assumed that since I had had one easy vaginal birth, I could do it again, and even better this time. I actually grieved a bit, knowing that this would be my last pregnancy, and I would never have a chance to do things the way I really wanted. I knew it was silly, but it was how I felt.
However, somewhere along the line, I stopped caring. Probably around the time she told me my cervix was trying to thin out and dilate at 19 wks. At that point, I just wanted to keep those babies cooking as long as possible and get them out safely. So when the perinatalogist told me I'd probably have to have a c-section because of the VCI, I was fine with that, and when my OB confirmed that 2 wks. later, I was actually relieved to have a plan. Am I still a little nervous and upset that I won't get as much contact with my babies initially? Sure. Am I stressed about having to be off work 2 more weeks? Of course. But all of that is a small price to pay for healthy babies, which is really all that matters. I've come a long way, and I knew I'd get here eventually. I just needed time to feel what I needed to feel and get it out of my system.
Then I found out I was having twins and my vision of an ideal birth went out the window. I knew I was looking at 50/50 odds of having a c-section and would probably be forced to have an epidural in case they needed to do a c-section quickly. I also knew the respect I was hoping for as a seasoned mom was probably going to go out the window since I'd never had twins before. I was bummed. Of course I wanted what was best for my babies, and I've never been against any form of birth that results in a healthy mom and baby. I know c-sections are necessary and a wonderful, life-saving thing for many people. I just assumed that since I had had one easy vaginal birth, I could do it again, and even better this time. I actually grieved a bit, knowing that this would be my last pregnancy, and I would never have a chance to do things the way I really wanted. I knew it was silly, but it was how I felt.
However, somewhere along the line, I stopped caring. Probably around the time she told me my cervix was trying to thin out and dilate at 19 wks. At that point, I just wanted to keep those babies cooking as long as possible and get them out safely. So when the perinatalogist told me I'd probably have to have a c-section because of the VCI, I was fine with that, and when my OB confirmed that 2 wks. later, I was actually relieved to have a plan. Am I still a little nervous and upset that I won't get as much contact with my babies initially? Sure. Am I stressed about having to be off work 2 more weeks? Of course. But all of that is a small price to pay for healthy babies, which is really all that matters. I've come a long way, and I knew I'd get here eventually. I just needed time to feel what I needed to feel and get it out of my system.
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