One year ago today..,

I was admitted to the hospital in full-blownpre-term labor.  The nurses really thought I was having the babies that night, bit things finally slowed down with drugs and fluids, and my boys got another critical 2 weeks to bake. It's funny how what I basically took in stride then affects me now. I have a patient on Procardia, the drug they used to control my contractions, and which made my heart race so badly, and I would literally get palpitations just pulling it for her for the first couple weeks. I remember the amazing nurses who kept me sane, but I also remember bawling hysterically just once over the feeling of powerlessness when it came to Gabe. I could do nothing for him but try to keep his life as uncomplicated as possible while I was stuck there, so I fought for him to stay wih familiar people at least. Thank God that my mom was healthy and able to keep him at the time. And my friend Erica was a lifesaver, Helping out with Gabe, bringing me food, loaning me a laptop, keeping me company. Poor Neil was exhausted from coming to see me after work, taking Fabe home for a bit, then taking him back to Mom's almost every night, but he kept at it. It was a rough time overall, but so worth it. I can't believe my babies will be 1 in only 2 weeks. It seems so impossible.